Dear husband, (yes hubby, you.)

      There is the oft-repeated advice to both newlyweds and those who are planning to wed that marriage is a continuing work in progress. Our close to seven years of marriage has proven that if nothing else.

       There are times however that I understand how your mind may be pre-occupied by stuff like work and all that that the little things that could lead to fights between us could skip your mind like birthdays, anniversaries and food allergies.

       Being the dutiful spouse that I am however, I'd like to help you out so I'm giving you this laundry list of things you need to know and remember:

1. The trash can is for trash. It is not meant to be used for basketball free-throw practice. If you really really have to, make sure you pick up your missed "shots" and just dunk the suckers in. The same goes for the laundry hamper in which dirty laundry are meant to be placed. No, trash and laundry do not belong on the floor or other surfaces I have just cleaned and polished.

2. In housework, there is NO SUCH THING AS MAGIC. The tissue paper in the bathroom does not refill by itself, the dishes are not washed and dried by invisible hands and yes, doggie poop must be picked up. There are no such things as elves and housecleaning fairies who will do the work for you. That stopped with the the shoemaker and his elves story.

3. For your convenience, there is a cabinet filled with all sorts of cleaning implements from trash bags, brooms, rags and even old newspapers. You will find it where it has always been ever since we first moved into the house four years ago.

4. Your underwear, socks and handkerchiefs will always be found in the underwear drawer, sock box and handkerchief drawer as they have and will always be. No need to holler "have you seen my socks?!" every damn morning. Same applies to the key, ballpen and notepad holders.

5. Hangers are made and bought for a reason. The clothes that I have carefully stowed in your cabinet and hung on hangers have been folded and hung so they would not wrinkle. No, balling up clothes and tossing them in the cabinet does not count as "putting away your clothes."

6. YOU DO NOT HAVE TELEKINETIC POWERS NOR SMART AND AUTOMATIC APPLIANCES. This has been proven time and again whenever you promised to turn off the tv, the light switch and the water heater.

7. I promise I will keep my hair from clogging the shower drain and absolutely not mind if you leave the toilet seat up after you use it as long as you promise to put the toothpaste and shampoo bottle cap back on.

8. PMS is constant and inevitable part of women's lives. Women will always have that time of the month when we are grouchy, emotional and irritable. Such time will remain constant until we reach menopause. by then, we will still be grouchy and irritable due to Pre-Menopausal symptoms.  If you need to, mark it down on your calendar/planner or what have you. Such is inevitable. Deal with it.

9. Shopping is in our blood. Put up or shut up.

10. No, it is not okay when you wear that new and pricey shirt that I just bought you when hauling dirty and grimy stuff. Change into older clothes.

11. You know your cholesterol level is high. STEP. WAY. FROM. THE. CHICHARON. AND. BACON.

12. Yes, date nights are a must. Not because we become "wife" and "mom" means we have stopped being women.

13. Women are entitled to change their minds every so often. It's all part of being a "woman."

14. No, not every woman is turned on by the smell of sweat and other manly smells that doesn't include the perfume we like on you. Take a shower, brush your teeth and clip those nails (both on your hand and toes) then we'll talk

15. No, the maxim "never let the sun set on an argument" does not always work. There are times when we do need space and time to cool down before we can sanely and calmly talk. Wag makulit.

16. The "fatherhood thing" extends beyond conception. Yes, you are also expected to implement the rules and chores mommy has set for her angels and your little brats.

17. Yes. you do need to call or text message if you are going to be late. No ifs, no buts. Mobile phones and pay phones abound so you have absolutely no reason not to do so unless you are seeking to start World War 3 or spend the night in the garage.

18. I won't force you to live with my parents if you promise not to force me to to live with yours. There is going to be only one queen in my house and that is going to be ME. Besides, I'd like to keep in-law relations as nice and friendly as possible.

19.A woman's  "Nothing" rarely ever does mean "nothing." Refer to expression on my face. If you ask me what's wrong and I say nothing, you better start thinking back on everything you have done. When you ask me what gift I'd like and I say "nothing," that means you get me the nicest present you can get.  To help you out, refer to my earlier post "Christmas Wish List."

20. Yes, you DO snore...VERY LOUDLY.

21. When we ask you to do something, won't you please just do it. Yes I know you think there are better ways and conditions of doing stuff but wouldn't you rather just do it and stop the nagging before it even starts?

     Yes, I promise you  have the right to gloat and tell me "I told you so" while doing your victory dance if things do happen as you predicted but there ain't anything wrong in trying to do what we tell you first is there?

22. We actually believe you when you tell us "Yes I will do it" (Ignore the skeptical looks on our faces). That why we get hurt and angry when days and weeks pass and that thing you promised to do remains to be done. And yes, you will get an evil glare once we decide to just do the damn thing ourselves and here you are suddenly saying "I'll do that."

     Besides, wouldn't you rather see the grateful smile on my face (and maybe a thank you kiss) rather than the scowl you will be getting whenever I pass you lounging on the sofa in front of the TV while that thing you promised to do remains undone?

23. If the food left on your plate or chips, etc can be consumed in just two bites, please for the love of God do not stow them in the refrigerator anymore.

24. In the kitchen there is a cabinet filled with plastic food containers with covers. These are meant for leftovers that are to be stowed on the ref. Yes, they can be stacked. No, do not stick your plate, carton, or the frying pan in the ref. Transfer leftovers to appropriately sized food containers.

25. Yes, keeping up and frequent deposits to our savings fund and "compliments to the wife" fund are very, very important. Yes I know I'm getting fat but I do not need a "second the motion" vote from you as you hand me more food to stuff my face with.

 

There are still some more but it's gonna take quite some time to write them all down. The above listed however are major things that will be most helpful in making sure our days are happy and fight-free. Knowing how often you misplace things, I promise to tack up copies of this list on the refrigerator, in the car and in the bathroom in addition to sending it to your email so you won't forget.

 

Lovingly,

your wife.

 

PS. Please feel free to add your own tips 

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